So you’ve done a great job of staying in awesome shape this year. You’ve been consistent with your workout and eating habits, you’ve made the right choices and you have a body that reflects that. But you feel left out. While everyone else is going to be making New Years Resolutions to lose 10, 20, 30+ pounds, you’re stuck having to think really hard about your goals. Well I’m going to help!
I’m going to lay out a plan to help you get fat for New Years, so you don’t have to stress out about your New Years Resolutions. Then you too can Tweet at 12:01 about how THIS IS THE YEAR YOU LOSE YOUR STOMACH #NewYearsResolutions #SexyBody2012 #ListeningtoLongDecemberbytheCountingCrows!!! It’s not going to be easy and time is running out, but I think if you jump on board now we can make some real progress before the ball drops! So here’s my Get Fat by 2012 Plan!
It all starts with what we eat. For 99% of the population our bodies are going to reflect our eating habits. So we’re to have to eat to reflect our goals of a chubby jaw line and love handles! It all starts with breakfast. While those trying to lose fat will be eating eggs, we’re going to get back to basics with cereal! It’s cheap, it’s easy, and it tastes delicious. You’re going to want to eat this everyday! Even if it claims to be healthy on the box this will help make you fatter! I promise!
Now we move on to lunch. I want you to just wing it for lunch. Daily. No thought goes into your lunch until you’re already starving! If I catch you making your lunches ahead of time we’re going to have to sit down and talk about what’s really important to you… If you want to pack on some extra fat under your chin it’s going to require improvisation. Just go for whatever you feel like! Pizza, pasta, McDonald’s hamburgers, Subway sandwiches, it’s all the same! Just eat it and make sure to get a non-vegetable side dish! And don’t forget liquid calories. Sodas and Gatorade can really help here as they add tons of sugar to your diet without filling you up!
Try to snack on something in the afternoon as well. Go for a 100 calorie pack! These are a nice little insulin boost that don’t require that much eating and usually are made from horrible food choices that will definitely tell your body you are TRYING TO STORE SOME FAT HERE!
Dinner doesn’t have to be difficult. You don’t have to make and consume an entire lasagna to get fat. Just a simple frozen lean cuisine will do the trick! These usually stay clear from fresh vegetables and meats and focus in on “low calories” and “whole grains” that will be sure to get some extra fat under your arms in the next 4 weeks. And go ahead and don’t eat at night if you get hungry. While those lean people can have a responsible high protein snack you need to work on starving yourself to really make this an emotionally draining experience. It will help fuel your fat building workouts!
You would think I would leave exercise off this fat gain plan, but in reality it’s important to exercise when trying to gain fat. The trick is doing the right things. And you’ll “feel” like you should be working out, so just go for it. But don’t do anything too strenuous like heavy squatting or deadlifting, that might build some muscle, and muscle is the enemy of fat! We need to work on decreasing your muscle mass and signaling your body to store more fat. My experience and research has led me to find the best type of exercise for packing of fat is going to be “cardio.”
Jogging, walking, elliptical, aerobics class, it doesn’t matter. As long as it’s done for hours on end and keeps your heart rate between 65% and 85% of your max heart rate (220-your age). This will cause a cascade of hormonal activity telling your body its time to get rid of that metabolically demanding muscle and replace it with the fat you desire! And stay away from the weights! Even heavy resistance and interval training as little as twice a week can cause you to turn this around into a dangerous situation of holding onto muscle while burning fat.
But don’t worry, your diet high in whole grains and low in protein will help combat this even if you do sneak in a weight lifting session!
So there you have it. If you want to get fat by New Years you better get started now, this doesn’t happen overnight! But I think with a little dedication and effort we can make this happen!